Fackin Truth Blog

It's time to strand somebody else on Moron Island...

"Bill! Come here... take off your shoes..."

Hillary is at it again. Instead of using new technology (like computers and calculators) to tabulate her losing streak, she employed the 1st-grade system of counting fingers and toes.

Hillary. I'm sorry. But your fuzzy math designed to fake a lead in the Democratic primaries won't work even if you use all of your fingers and toes - and then move on to Bill's. You probably won't be able to get him to take off anything without hiring an intern anyway.

Up until now, you've been employing weird math to funk-fake a lead over Obama. You're so creative, that you even counted a state where OBAMA WASN'T ON THE BALLOT. What da' frick?

You're not fooling anybody. Not even the little girl in this picture...

So for running out of fingers and toes... and for not allowing a simple thing like LOSING to get in the way of winning... I hereby fire up the boat and issue your one-way ticket to Moron Island.

ALL ABOARD!

Marooned on Moron Island: Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick and Christine Beatty

How much does an affair cost? I mean really... If I wanted to buy an affair from Walmart, how much would I have to save?

Well, a cash-strapped Detroit learned that a cheesy affair can cost a city approximately $9 million:

"Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick and his chief of staff lied about their relationship last summer at a police whistle-blower trial that has cost the cash-strapped city more than $9 million, according to records obtained by the Free Press.

The story continues with another example of how technology trapped another playa:

"Kilpatrick and chief of staff Christine Beatty denied during testimony in August that they had a sexual relationship. But the records, a series of text messages, show them engaged in romantic banter as well as planning and recounting sexual liaisons.

The messages are also at odds with the pair's trial testimony that they did not fire Deputy Police Chief Gary Brown in 2003, an ouster that led him to sue. The text messages show Beatty recalling the "decision that we made to fire Gary Brown."

In addition to the incriminating business-related texts, Kilpatrick and Beatty revealed their intimacy:

"I'm madly in love with you," Kilpatrick wrote on Oct. 3, 2002.

"I hope you feel that way for a long time," Beatty answered. "In case you haven't noticed, I am madly in love with you, too!"

Other texts contain sexual content, like this exchange on April 8, 2003:

Beatty: "And, did you miss me, sexually?"

Kilpatrick: "Hell yeah! You couldn't tell. I want some more. "

Kilpatrick and Beatty aren't departing for Moron Island just for having an affair. I'm not sending them away based on their unwise appetite for Other People's Property. I won't hoist the sail just because those two walking hormones were married during the affair. I'm not even firing-up the boat for missing the point that workplace trysts just aren't smart. Dem fools left all the evidence of their colossal brain fart on job-issued pagers.

Read more about the story and how it cost the city $9 million at:
Detroit Free Press - freep.com - "Mayor Kilpatrick, chief of staff lied under oath, text messages show: Romantic exchanges undercut denials"

Marooned on Moron Island: Duane "Dog the Bounty Hunter" Chapman

Some of my favorite bloggers have categories available to dump folk for bad behavior.

Field has the "House Negro" category (in the side bar) and AttorneyMom gets real with her comical "Sit Your Azz Down List."

And just to make sure I have my own special place for those who experience severe brain farts, I've created Moron Island.

In fairness, I'll admit that I've visited Moron Island from time to time. Like the time I had a $27 bill go to collections because I was too lazy to just write a dang check.

But right now, anybody marooned on Moron Island should see a new figure emerging from the distance... Duane "Dog the Bounty Hunter" Chapman.

For some reason, Dog has a close intimate relationship with the word "Nigger." You can find audio of Dog's racist rant just about anywhere on the internet. A dramatic twist reveals that Duane's own son, Tucker, purchased Dog's ticket to the island. Apparently, Tucker's decision to date a black woman triggered rabid ire from the Dog, who went on to fire his son from the bounty hunting legacy so long as the black woman was still on his arm.

Dog even treated us to a hint of what will happen if one of his daughters brings home a black man. In his own words... "Fuck that."

Now I don't know about you, but Dog is a favorite in my house. We're drawn to his reliance on prayer and his faith in Jesus. We smile on the real relationship he seems to have with his wife. We adore the way he keeps his family together. And we honor his stated goal to help those who keep sliding onto the wrong side of the law.

But for now, and with some proverbial tears, this blogging nigger will have to pass on Dog. His tv show and aversion to brown skin tones are no longer allowed in the house. If I had one, I'd tip my 40oz Colt 45 to Dog as I mourn his departure to Moron Island and away from my television.