The Credit Crunch for Dummies Alcoholics

After a one-week vacation three timezones away, minimal sleep for two nights, and one jet-lagged ass-dragging to work, [drumroll]........... I'm back.

As I launched my entire body at my computer to get my fix for a nasty Facebook addiction, I came across an interesting summary of the current credit crunch. Don't look for any humor or cute remarks from me at the end. This is it. Copy and paste. My typing is done. I'm exhausted! Just enjoy the bit and keep it moving.

Oh yeah, I can't forget the copyright public service announcement.

PSA: This is a direct quote from a Facebook member named Thom Greathouse. He left this comment to a thread in the group named "CLOSED." I didn't ask any permission to post his words, so in the one-in-a-million chance he finds his way here and sees this, he better be happy with the half-assed credit I gave him.  Because PMS is a mutha-fuggah. And besides, it's ma' berfday.

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Credit Crunch for Dummies, by Thom Greathouse

Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Berlin. In order to increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers - most of whom are unemployed alcoholics - to drink now but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger, thereby effectively granting her customers loans. Word gets around and as a result, increasing numbers of customers pour into Heidi's bar. Taking advantage of her customers' freedom from immediate payment constraints, Heidi increases her prices for wine and beer, the most-consumed beverages. Her sales volume increases massively.

A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Heidi's credit limit. He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral. At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert bankers transform these customer assets into 'Drinkbonds', 'Alkbonds' und 'Pukebonds'. These securities are then traded on markets worldwide. No one really understands what these abbreviations mean and how the securities are guaranteed. Nevertheless, as their prices continue to climb, the securities become top-selling items. One day, although the prices are still climbing, a risk manager at the bank ( subsequently, of course, fired due his negativity ) decides that eventually the time has come to call in the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi's bar.

However they cannot pay off their debts. Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations and files for bankruptcy. Drinkbond and Alkbond drop in value by 95%. ; Pukebond holds up a little better, bottoming out at 80% of its former value. The suppliers of Heidi's bar, having granted her generous payment deadlines and having invested in the securities, are faced with a new situation. Her wine supplier files for bankruptcy, and her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor. The bank is bailed out by the Government after dramatic round-the-clock consultations with leaders of the principal political parties. The funds required for this purpose are obtained by levying a tax on non-drinkers.

Got it now ?

Comments

[LadyLee]

HaPPy BirTHdaY, Hawa!!!

[Deacon Blue]

I lost my entire life savings in those Pukebonds...

Hiya, Hawa...sorry I haven't been around much. Still love ya!