Fackin Truth Blog

The red-headed stepchild living under the stairs.

Dang, y'all. I need an intervention. I treat this blog like a red-headed stepchild living under the stairs. No, not the stairs upstairs. Like totally under the basement stairs.

Anyway, last Monday I flew from Philly to Chicago - Chicago to Kansas - then Kansas to Dallas. Don't ask me how I ended up with that flight from hell. My booking skills were momentarily WHACK.

By 4pm on Monday, Southwest Airlines served me my first meal of the day. Honey roasted peanuts. In a bag small enough to be shoved up my rectum to traffic drugs. They coulda just poured those 4 nuts into my hand. It seemed so earth-unfriendly to feature more wrapper than peanuts. After a sketchy landing in Kansas, I wondered if I could cop a whole case of those peanuts just to soothe my (bogus) flying nerves.

Later that night, I had the perfect dinner by myself: A glass of fantastic pinot noir with sliders (mini burgers with onions, aged cheddar, and bacon). Finger food for the kid in me and wine for the alcoholic responsible and deserving adult that I am.

I always miss my family when I travel alone. But I can't deny the calm that comes with having a room to myself that doesn't involve sharing a remote control, answering the question "where's dinner?", or curling into a corner when the fiance dreams of flying and goes into a diagonal pose in the bed.

So here I am. Back in town again. Exhausted. Yet refreshed. Tired. But happy as a lark. And really excited about catching with the blog friends again. Watch out. I'm on a reading frenzy. And you may be next on the catch-up list.

Love and hugs.

The Credit Crunch for Dummies Alcoholics

After a one-week vacation three timezones away, minimal sleep for two nights, and one jet-lagged ass-dragging to work, [drumroll]........... I'm back.

As I launched my entire body at my computer to get my fix for a nasty Facebook addiction, I came across an interesting summary of the current credit crunch. Don't look for any humor or cute remarks from me at the end. This is it. Copy and paste. My typing is done. I'm exhausted! Just enjoy the bit and keep it moving.

Oh yeah, I can't forget the copyright public service announcement.

PSA: This is a direct quote from a Facebook member named Thom Greathouse. He left this comment to a thread in the group named "CLOSED." I didn't ask any permission to post his words, so in the one-in-a-million chance he finds his way here and sees this, he better be happy with the half-assed credit I gave him.  Because PMS is a mutha-fuggah. And besides, it's ma' berfday.

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Credit Crunch for Dummies, by Thom Greathouse

Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Berlin. In order to increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers - most of whom are unemployed alcoholics - to drink now but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger, thereby effectively granting her customers loans. Word gets around and as a result, increasing numbers of customers pour into Heidi's bar. Taking advantage of her customers' freedom from immediate payment constraints, Heidi increases her prices for wine and beer, the most-consumed beverages. Her sales volume increases massively.

A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Heidi's credit limit. He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral. At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert bankers transform these customer assets into 'Drinkbonds', 'Alkbonds' und 'Pukebonds'. These securities are then traded on markets worldwide. No one really understands what these abbreviations mean and how the securities are guaranteed. Nevertheless, as their prices continue to climb, the securities become top-selling items. One day, although the prices are still climbing, a risk manager at the bank ( subsequently, of course, fired due his negativity ) decides that eventually the time has come to call in the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi's bar.

However they cannot pay off their debts. Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations and files for bankruptcy. Drinkbond and Alkbond drop in value by 95%. ; Pukebond holds up a little better, bottoming out at 80% of its former value. The suppliers of Heidi's bar, having granted her generous payment deadlines and having invested in the securities, are faced with a new situation. Her wine supplier files for bankruptcy, and her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor. The bank is bailed out by the Government after dramatic round-the-clock consultations with leaders of the principal political parties. The funds required for this purpose are obtained by levying a tax on non-drinkers.

Got it now ?

On Vacation

I'm on one of the best vacations of my life, and I'll return on Tuesday, March 17, 2009. Vegas rocks!

I'm too deep into nuggets y'all - NOT

I once thought about approaching the FBI with a little puzzle that I thought I solved. The unmarked and well-guarded salt shaker at the McDonald's Fry Station contains a top secret mixture of salt, a touch of sugar, and FRIGGIN CRACK COCAINE. Those delectable strings of golden goodness are addictive, and worth the risk of heart disease that comes with every beautiful perfectly-fried stick.

Does that sound over the top? Okay. Well how about this woman who is so into her nuggets that she summoned  9-1-1 when McDonald's ran out?

Angered that her local McDonald's was out of Chicken McNuggets, a Florida woman called 911 three times to report the fast food "emergency."

Now I'm not hating on anybody's food fetish. I remember the time I almost cried when I forgot the sun-dried tomatoes on my delivery order. Or the time my fiance wanted to run the mini-van through a local diner after watching a man at another table eat the last serving of grits with breakfast.

But I ain't into nuggets, y'all. (Although KFC is a whole other story, but I digress.) And I just can't relate to the fire behind this fast food fiasco.

Some mothers truly excel at multi-tasking

I recently boasted about my multi-tasking prowess as a natural outcome from years of training in single-motherhood. Imagine how quickly my puffed-chest deflated when I discovered this pro who clearly graduated at the top of her class:

An Ohio mother faces charges for breastfeeding her daughter while driving her other children to school.

"I'm following behind a lady in a van who is driving while breastfeeding her newborn baby and talking on the cell phone," said a 911 caller.

Officers then pulled over the mother and issued her a ticket for not having her child in a car seat.

Well, we can't all be Valedictorian.