How do I sucker myself into public displays of Too Much Information? This is Part 1B of a multi-part series called "Git Yo' Head Right - The Self Assessment Series." For the list of questions, take a peek at the daggone post that started it all.
Question: Who do you want to be, what is it that you must change?
I figure I should return from "sick leave" with another installment in my Too Much Information Self Assessment Series. Today, I'm forced to answer a two-part question, (which reminds me that returning from sick leave is never without the reward of an overstuffed inbox of crap to get done.)
Who Do You Want To Be?
I need to be careful here. And if you're playing along at home, you need to be careful too. If you're 38 years old, 5-feet-5-inches tall, trust me when I say you will NOT be the next winner of America's Next Top Model. Hell, you won't even be on the show unless you're serving food (what, they actually EAT?) or holding a camera. Whether you want it or not, it ain't in the cards for you, baby.
What I am trying to say, with all the snark of a woman who was clearly sick and miserable for a week, is that I need to maintain some semblance of realism with this answer. Because some "hopes" of a final state can go against the grain of reality much like floating anvils defy the law of gravity.
I remember the time I looked up to a woman I worked with. She came across as almost regal. She spoke slowly, was slow to smile yet amazingly friendly, and her voice had the most endearing twang to it. And there was something wonderful about her body language. She could probably sell a Muslim a Pork BBQ sandwich.
Come to find out, I smile too damn much to be "slow to smile." I find the bright side of everything, even when I'm not looking. Even better, Ms. Regal was digging me too. We were totally different people with different strengths, both liking the natural uniqueness of the other. It really pays to start embracing the naturally-occurring things that make you you.
Anyway, taking into account who I am (and liking it more and more), and realizing I will never be able to sing like Whitney Houston Before Bobby (damnit), my answer looks something like this:
I want to be a focused mother and wife who plays as hard as she works, has a reputation for fairness/justice, demonstrates some serious creativity, and leaves a legacy of kindness on this earth.
That's my honest albeit short answer, because that sentence accounts for the major areas of my life - including ones that have weakened in recent years. (Focus? What focus?) I want to be on fire about something. When I focus on something that really fires me up, clarity comes in other areas of my life. And because I'm a big kid, I want my playtime to really really feel like playtime - not some lousy coffee break from my work.
What is it that you must change?
I need a hobby. No, seriously. I'm not on fire about anything. I don't have any major memberships, affiliations, or goals that ignite me each day. At one point, I was very active in my church, working in administration and leadership. There was always something going on that required my attention, and I loved what I did. I was on fire about it. Attending college had the same effect. There's a goal. There's a job to be done. And I enjoy that feeling.
Right now, my challenging mountains are made of laundry and/or dishes. In case you haven't guessed, these mundane domestic hills don't inspire me to leap over buildings.
I considered returning to school for my Masters degree - my dream piece of paper. Or finding a new church. But somehow I believe the next adventure that lights my fire will be neither.
Return and join me next time when I'm forced to answer the question: What do you stand for?
