Git Yo' Head Right (The Self Assessment Series)PART 2 - "DO YOU LIKE WHO YOU ARE?"

How do I sucker myself into public displays of Too Much Information? This is Part 2 of a multi-part series called "Git Yo' Head Right - The Self Assessment Series." For the list of questions, take a peek at the daggone post that started it all.

I found it sufficiently difficult to answer the first question of "Who Am I." That nail-biting exercise required a long-winded two-part blog post (1A and 1B) that could still never really communicate everything that "I am." Satisfied that I did my due diligence in highlighting the good and the bad, it's time to answer the next question of whether I like myself or not.

Question:
Do I Like Who I Am?

(I also refer to this question as "Mirror Mirror on the Wall.")

Believe it or not, I had to think about this longer than I expected. I was tempted to take the common (but dangerously flawed) route of assessing my circumstances to see if I like them. But that's tricky, because circumstances - those we create and those we can't control - don't always accurately reflect the entirety of who we are. I believe this is a major reason why some fail to separate "who they are" from job status. Or money. Or fame. Or some other nonsense that fluctuates with the weather. No wonder so many people don't like themselves - working tirelessly to live a lie. Too many bet their entire soul on shifting sands. When the money falls and the fame fades, the lost soul blows in the wind.

So I refocused and reentered this exercise. I stopped ruminating on the extra pounds. I quit looking at how much further I'd like to be at work. I looked past the fact that I'm not as financially stable as I want to be. I dug my heels into examining my heart, the way I think, and the way I treat others. And the resulting answer is "YES." I like who I am, although I'm not always pleased with the choices I make.

You see, I answered this question by taking a sifter to my life and carefully separating who I am from any pleasure or displeasure with my current circumstances. While they may be related (e.g. who you are determines many of the decisions you make), the evidence of a transient circumstance doesn't reveal the whole truth.

Looking back, I wasted precious years and brain cells disliking myself for various insignificant reasons. Weight. Hair. Absorbing the unkind words of others. Even wishing I had somebody else's gifts/talents instead of loving the ones I possess. I squandered time feeling broken when I should have felt empowered - all from not understanding that liking me was not only a good thing - but a necessary starting point.

Somewhere, there's a poor and broken man who would give the shirt off of his back to a needy stranger. Elsewhere, there's a rich man who spends his nights devising plans to profit from the misfortune of others. Quite possibly, the poor man doesn't like himself very much because he didn't disconnect the pain of his situation from the beauty of his heart. Equally possible, the rich man simply adores himself for accumulating a fortune. Both are trapped on the wrong side of assessing self-worth. My leg was caught in that trap more times than I care to count. How about you?

Liking who I am doesn't mean I believe I'm perfect. Oh God. Not even close. I am clearly a work-in-progress. But that's just it. I'm in progress. And that's one of the things I like the most. No matter how disappointed I get. No matter how many times I give up. No matter how many mistakes I make. A small voice keeps pushing me to believe that tomorrow - and the tomorrows after that - are big unwrapped presents with lots of goodies inside.

Stay tuned for Part 3 of the series where I'm forced to answer the question: "Who do you want to be, what is it that you must change?"

Comments

[D.C.]

What a great read! I came on over to wish you a Happy New Year and all and bumped into a great post. I'll be back to do some catch up reading and to see the next one.

Have a great week.