First Disposable Razors - Now Disposable Partners

If I'm brave enough to post a picture of Beyonce Knowles next to mine, I must have a dang good reason. Right now, her song Irreplaceable is my personal poster child for disposable relationships.

As a member of the divorce statistic, I'm fascinated by numbers and pop culture that reflect the current state of marriage, divorce, and relationship health. As the divorce rate increased at lightening speed, terms like "forever" were replaced with protective terms like, "leave him before he leaves you."

"And it's my name that's on that jag.
So come move your bags, let me call you a cab."

As I listened to Beyonce sing Irreplaceable, I became wrapped around the sentiment of the song. As she breaks up with her beau, not only does she express little emotion, but she's practically pushing him out of the door with his few belongings, and reminding him not to think too highly of his importance in her life.

"You must not know about me.
I could have another you in a minute.
Matter of fact, he'll be here in a minute"

I am especially drawn to the line about her own importance and her ability to have another "him" in a minute. While listeners are supposed to think low of the man, I automatically wondered, "What kind of woman even wastes her time with a man who can be replaced at the drop of a hat?" It says a lot about a person who chooses such a superficial relationship. As far as I'm concerned, if I give you the time a day, you better be such an original that your absence would leave a hole that can't be filled by some Joe off the street. I value my time enough to demand that of my relationships.

Don't misread this as an attack on Beyonce. Her music can rock me through a long rush-hour drive. What I'm truly questioning is our growing need to have disposable relationships for fear of getting hurt. By all recent accounts, the astronomical divorce rate is finally falling... because the marriage rate is taking a nose-dive. In spite of the statistics showing that most want to be in long-term loving marriages, people are saying "pass" to avoid the potential pain.

"I won't lose a wink of sleep.
Cuz the truth of the matter is
replacing you is so easy."

I don't know about you, but I'm holding out for a major win in this department. I may never have Beyonce's legs, but I also won't be packing boxes for a disposable man in my life.

I'm looking for a genuine article who can't be replaced, and he'll be getting the same.

Comments

[BluJewel]

I get this! I so completely get this blog and with that "getting", I concur 100%. Having been a contributer to the divorce statistic and having equally paid my dues to long term relationships, I couldn't even fathom having that kind of attitude. I need a lot more than disposable relationship and in addition, wouldn't feel right with myself for having that kind of attitude. I consider myself a woman of substance and would like the same in return, so I couldn't see myself delivering the words the song depicts. I would somehow have to question my own character if I entertained that mentality.

I'm currently happily single because I know I'm not ready to make a wholehearted commitment to anyone and won't settle for anything less than wholeheartedness in return. I'm a firm believer that being alone doesn't always equate to being lonely and it's better to be alone to settle for what's not right for you. Having another him in a minute makes him as shallow as I would be for saying that. Good looks and a good body have to be backed up with a good mind. That's the one sure fired thing that will keep me interested once the physical has waned from interest.

This is a great post!

[Michele]

I loved your take on the song. I go around singing it without even thinking.

I've also contributed to the divorce statistic ... twice. I agree that I would not want to be in a situation with a dude that I felt could be replaced that easily. I'm in a long term relationship now and I know beyond a shadow of doubt that I couldn't replace him if I tried. He's that special.

The message that I got from the song is that nobody should think too highly of themselves that they start acting out. You know?

[Wendy]

I posted about this song too. It's the latest anthem for women, I don't know one man that likes this song.I analyzed the words and thought; Do I really want another you?If I'm throwing you out of my life, I don't want to go through it again.But then I realized that I was putting too much thought into the words. I too am divorced and believe me when I say I was not as cool as she appears in the video.These microwave relationships are not for me.I love me too much for that.This is my first time here and your pic looks good even near B's. Good post.

[Hawa]

Blu: Hi Five on the happily single. It sure beats drama right now!

Michele: I agree with your assessment of the intended purpose of the song. Yet like we do many times, we implicate ourselves when we put somebody else down (kinda like the idea that talking about somebody is more of a reflection of you than them *smile*)

Wendy: Yes, yes. And microwave relationship became the unstated, underlying message of the song for me.

Thanks for all of the comments!

[kitadiva]

I never really paid the words any attention. You are right about the words in the song. They ARE awful. Breaking up is hard, it hurts. I don't know if I want to treat a man like an accessory... Besides, if I treat him like a pair of earrings that gives him a right to treat me badly too...like a rug on the floor.

I am single and available for a long term relationship. It is hard to find a good guy that is willing to work in a relationship with you. I think the song is very shallow now that I have read the lyrics. I know that most people do not value the words that they use, but those words DO matter. Thanks for pointing it out.

[Hawa]

Kitadiva: It's amazing how many words we use without thinking! The music beats (and artists) we love lead us to speak negative messages into our own ears. I've learned to be careful about it. I may dance to those beats to keep my household chores moving along, but I watch the words I speak, because speaking them over and over imply agreement.

[NNs]

YES!!!!!!