My oldest son spent two days in the hospital last week while his appendix cried wolf and pretended it needed to come out. During that stay, I learned that Sysco makes the darned tastiest Fruit Punch in the little cups with the foil lid. Besides the fact that aluminum foil is linked to Alzheimer's and the juice contained ingredients that can cause the kidneys to implode, it was simply delicious.
Here are a few more things I learned during that stay:
- You can get a child to eat green beans by serving the green beans with stuffed shells. I almost passed out and required medical attention as I watched my veggie-averse son practically swallow his veggies whole. Is that cheating when you also starve the kid for 24-hours to make sure his system is ready for a battery of medical tests?
- You can produce a near-death experience without the risk of accidentally causing a real death. Follow these instructions carefully: Sit in a hospital room and watch a variety of cartoons from 7:30am until 5:30am. Seriously. At some point, my soul left my body and floated over the hospital. When Alvin and the Chipmunks came on, I think I saw Jesus.
- The hospital staff doesn't really want parents to stay overnight. The invitation to stay was so warm and sweet that I packed an overnight bag. By the time I was jammed into the Japanese Torture Contraption that the nurses called my sleeping quarter, I knew they were all demons.
Thankfully, the visit revealed a healthy boy who probably had a mild acute case of colitis - whatever that is. It's probably a fancy name for "intenstinal gripe" or "I-ate-pizza-and-ice-cream-for-lunch," (which he did the day after the hospital stay). ::sigh::